kadang.
kita mahu terbang di langit tinggi.
tapi Tuhan takdirkan kita menyelam di laut dalam.
kita bertanya tak mengerti, 'mengapa ??'
hinggalah sampai satu masa..
"oh. Dia nak bagi mutiara."
Friday, January 31, 2014
the girl
Assalamualaikum
Here am I, in Alexandria , Egypt again.
The feeling?
Most likely happy because I'm bored to death staying at home for about 3 months. Doing nothing. Yes, doing nothing except sleeping, eating and watching tv ~~
But the thing is that, most of my friends and seniors are going to further their remaining studies at Malaysia, including my best friend; Aimi .
I know, that's the best for them and this is the best for me, but you know what? Since the last time I hugged my parents at Kota Bharu Airport on the day I fly until now, I haven't let go my tears yet. Eventho at KLIA there's no one sending me off, and everyone around you are hugging their parents while crying, I just keep smiling. My heart felt like kembang semangkuk sebab tahan nangis. and yes, here am I, the weak girl. Crying alone in the midnight.
It felt like everyone is living. People around me, my support system time futur, all of them, are gone! And of cause, I'm trying my best not to cry in front of them... Because sending them with tears isn't cool enough.
And I won't tell my parents how these kind of feeling strike my heart.
Deep in my heart, I want to cry out loud. Telling them how stress the situation here. about the studies, the result and all sort of things. But, because I choose this path, I choose coming to Egypt, so beared with it Aisyah. You have no choice but to keep as secret. Pretend that everything is just fine. Smile while skyping with them although your eyes was full with crystal clear water. Tunggu masa nak jatuh .. ooopps bukan tunggu masa nak jatuh, tapi memang jatuh dalam senyap so that no one noticed those tears. Tragic isn't it?
And now, I don't even know how I felt. Speechless it is. and This is me, the girl.
Here am I, in Alexandria , Egypt again.
The feeling?
Most likely happy because I'm bored to death staying at home for about 3 months. Doing nothing. Yes, doing nothing except sleeping, eating and watching tv ~~
But the thing is that, most of my friends and seniors are going to further their remaining studies at Malaysia, including my best friend; Aimi .
I know, that's the best for them and this is the best for me, but you know what? Since the last time I hugged my parents at Kota Bharu Airport on the day I fly until now, I haven't let go my tears yet. Eventho at KLIA there's no one sending me off, and everyone around you are hugging their parents while crying, I just keep smiling. My heart felt like kembang semangkuk sebab tahan nangis. and yes, here am I, the weak girl. Crying alone in the midnight.
It felt like everyone is living. People around me, my support system time futur, all of them, are gone! And of cause, I'm trying my best not to cry in front of them... Because sending them with tears isn't cool enough.
And I won't tell my parents how these kind of feeling strike my heart.
Deep in my heart, I want to cry out loud. Telling them how stress the situation here. about the studies, the result and all sort of things. But, because I choose this path, I choose coming to Egypt, so beared with it Aisyah. You have no choice but to keep as secret. Pretend that everything is just fine. Smile while skyping with them although your eyes was full with crystal clear water. Tunggu masa nak jatuh .. ooopps bukan tunggu masa nak jatuh, tapi memang jatuh dalam senyap so that no one noticed those tears. Tragic isn't it?
And now, I don't even know how I felt. Speechless it is. and This is me, the girl.
Things seem getting hard
Hard for me
Indeed
Ini luahan hati
seorang manusia yang bergelumang dengan dosa
dan hanya pandai meminta denganNya
pabila perlu saja
Tragis kan?
Doktor.
Itu cita-cita aku
dari kecil sehingga sekarang and still counting.
Tapi,
ia seolah-olah makin pudar
dan saya hanya mampu untuk meminta padaNYa
agar jangan pudarkan ia.
Sungguh.
Itu yang aku mahu
dan
aku yakin Allah tahu
cuma,
adakah itu yang terbaik untuk ku?
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